They Can't Hurt You Down Here, Amari

Thank God Amari Cooper Got Out of Oakland

Will Darkins
December 10, 2018 - 9:55 am
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Two months ago, a gaggled mix of obnoxious football fans and snarky media personalities (me included) wrote Amari Cooper’s death certificate. His 2018 campaign with the Oakland Raiders smelled like a sour fart; 22 receptions for 280 yards and one touchdown. Lucky for us Jerry Jones and his Cowboys got their wrinkly, bourbon stained hands on the young talent and put Cooper to good use during a 29-23 dramatic overtime win over the Eagles, Sunday. Dude caught 10 passes for 217 yards and three scores. Including the game winner:

MEANWHILE, AT THE LEGION OF DIPSHITS! John Gruden won the Super Bowl (What’s that? He didn’t?). Well it sure looked that way after the Raiders fell ass backwards into a three-point win over the Steelers, thanks in part to Chris Boswell’s Jerry Lewis impression:

 

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