Uninformed Portland Sports Fan Says: Let's Trade CJ for Anthony Davis!

Each week at The FAN, we let Will Darkins channel his alter-ego “Uninformed Portland Sports Fan”. Most of the following is not research based and heavy in sarcasm. Enjoy!

Will Darkins
December 20, 2018 - 2:16 pm

If you’re like me ESPN has gained omnipresent access to your life. Every morning activity involves finger scrolling the app looking for juicy nuggets of Lebron James, Johnny Manziel or wet hot Booger-Mobile news. It’s the air I breathe and the life I’ve chosen. My wife is close to leaving me. She says I was being “insensitive” streaming First Take during her sister’s wedding. I was like “Look, if Karen’s idea of a sick joke is giving me a book for Christmas then I’m sure she won’t mind if Max and Stephen A. dish out the hot takes during her nuptials!” My children are named Boomer and Tom. After a long day of work, I love nothing more than to pop in my VHS copy of ESPN’s 1982 coverage of the World Cup with young Bob Ley (You know, when he had the whole “Hot Science Teacher Look” going for him).

The Setonian

So you can imagine my reaction to the latest pseudo-Anthony Davis trade rumors involving the Lakers:

Instead of processing the information and finding it relatively interesting, I reacted as if this was a rumor involving the Portland Trail Blazers. We’re important, damnit! Our point guard is a rapper! And that same rapping superstar point guard needs a wing man that will take us to title town. The logical move is to make the Pelicans a MORE THAN GENEROUS OFFER: CJ for Anthony Davis … Straight up … Dawg.

It makes sense for everyone involved. New Orleans forms the unstoppable backcourt trio of CJ McCollum, Jrue Holiday and former forgettable Blazer, Tim Frazier. The Trail Blazers put to use Anthony Davis’ incredible talents at the point guard position (This situation calls for Dame to play the “2”, Other Curry Brother at the “3", Meyers Leonard crushing it at “4” and Greg Oden’s April 2008 knees anchoring the paint at “5”) Small ball at it’s finest …

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